The biggest drinking weekend of the year is over. St. Patty's Day fell on a Saturday this year, and a handful of you went through with Sunday shenanigans as well. Everybody wanged, everybody chunged. Now you're done with a two-day bender and have no goddamn idea how you're going to make it through Monday.
Everyone asks their bartender, Dad, or college roommate for advice on how to beat a hangover. The recommendations are all over the place, but they're all a bit of alchemy. You can sleep it off. You can hydrate. You can pile on a week's worth of calories and carbs in 20 minutes.
If y'all haven't noticed, here at BSL we write about music. A lot. We believe in the healing powers of a great jam.
The "Dear God, why am I awake right now?" hangover cure: Andrew W.K.
Maybe you're a bartender who just pulled three doubles in a row and still need to walk the dog. Maybe you've let work e-mails pile up for the last three days and just can't deal with Chad in Accounting and his terrible grammar. Maybe you've got 3000 words due tomorrow on the Two-State Solution in the Middle East.
Whatever the problem, you need a jolt of adrenaline. We've got just the artist for you. Throw on an ice cold shower and blast some Andrew W.K. in your ears. While the last thing you might want to do right now is party - and the man says the word "party" 65 times in the song "Party Hard" - his music is infectious, and the wall of sound style production he's so fond of smacks you right in the face.
It might be a short burst, but it's enough to get your day going and let you start the slog through the menial bullshit in front of you.
The "I'm never drinking again" hangover cure: The Hold Steady
At some point this morning, you probably said to yourself, "I'm never drinking again."
This one is incredibly literal, and we're okay with that. Craig Finn's delivery, equal parts detached and passionate, has always been a bit divisive. When you just want to curl up in a ball on the couch and slowly sip a Gatorade, the imagery on "How a Resurrection Really Feels" is enough to make you feel like you can, in fact, rebuild what feels like the shattered pieces of your life.
It's not necessarily inspirational in the self-help guru way of Andrew W.K. Rather, it gets you there at your own pace.
The "I'm going to sweat this one out" hangover cure: Wu-Tang Clan
If y'all can believe it, there are actually people out there who head to the gym in these trying' times. Yeah, there are overachievers among us go out and drain a case of Michelob Ultra and a half dozen vodka sodas then run a marathon or whatever.
Back when I had abs (so, like, eight years ago), I liked to hit the squat rack to a soundtrack of Wu-Tang Clan. Enter The Wu-Tang (36 Chambers) isn't just an all-time hip-hop classic, but it's got the right mix of slow building beats and hooks to sustain a workout in any condition. Whether you somehow got a full night's sleep in a real bed or passed out in a literal pile of trash, if your goal is to sweat out your hangover, Wu-Tang will do the trick.
You'll never be as cool as ODB name checking Jacques Cousteau, but for a minute when you hit whatever your goal was, you'll think you are.